An Elephant Is Like A Tree

by | Jan 24, 2024 | Stuff

     Thumbing through “The People Puzzle” and merely reading a chapter here or a chapter there, is like the proverbial three blind men trying to describe an elephant.  The first one, touching the trunk, says an elephant is like a snake; the second one, grasping the tail, says an elephant is like a rope;  the third guy, clutching a leg, says an elephant is like a tree.  As with the elephant, there’s so much more to the book that it’s hard to come up with an accurate assessment until you’ve read the whole thing … otherwise you miss a lot of stuff inbetween.

     Some readers have said “The People Puzzle” is a love story, while others relate to the nostalgia and descriptions of a simpler, gentler time.  There are even those who say they actually like to quote some of the philosophy.   Well, guess what?  Unlike the three blind men describing the elephant, they’re all right!  There’s something enjoyable for everyone between those covers.  The ‘label’ says Memoir, but the publisher and I danced around Philosophy, Family, Humor, Relationships, Nostalgia –– and a few other tunes –– before taking the final step to the all-encompassing stand-by, Memoir.

Folks who started at the front of the book, instead of at the back, get it:

•  “I cannot adequately put into words how much this book affected me.  First, and foremost, it is a beautiful love story.  Some parts I literally laughed out loud and some parts I cried. His style of writing is like having him personally speaking with me.”

•  “He is a master of storytelling”

•  “It’s clever, insightful, and entertaining. I’m really enjoying it.”

•   “I Loved the book. Funny, touching, and spot-on slices of life so wonderfully articulated.”

•  “Relaxing, funny, wholesome, and endearing.  I see my face in his mirror.”

•  “The People Puzzle” has many passages I like to have on hand to borrow and quote.”

•  “I started reading it and couldn’t stop. Many chuckles and so inspiring.”

When you’re ready to experience a friendly arm around your shoulder, and immerse yourself in “Things We Do That Say We’re Human” … get it, and start reading “The People Puzzle” from the front!

 

Oy, the Joy of Christmas

by | Dec 22, 2023 | Holidays

     The high school I occupied during my preadult period was nearly 90 percent Jewish. When many of the more important Hebrew holidays were celebrated, like in September and October, they actually consolidated as many as three or four classes for any given subject into a single room. Even with that arrangement, I was one of only a tiny handful of students in there. We had a lot of fall study halls back then.

     Hanukkah was different because it usually seemed to coincide pretty closely with Christmas and everybody was off from school—even the kids who celebrated holidays with names most of us never heard of. In those days, you were either a Christian or a Jew and nobody was offended by wishes of “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Hanukkah,” even if you got it wrong. In my neighborhood, the Christmas tree and the menorah lived side by side. In fact, a few Jewish people I knew celebrated both occasions.

     When I was nibbling at the edges of eleven or twelve, I remember my friend Carl proudly inviting me over to see his Hanukkah bush! At the time, I didn’t see why it was such a big deal. I mean, by any other name a Christmas tree is still a Christmas tree, right? As I came to understand later, Carl’s family was more the exception than the rule. I used to feel sorry for the Jewish kids at Christmastime. There we were, laughin’ and scratchin’ with our new bikes, scooters, skates, and Flexible Flyers from Santa Claus, and those kids had nothing. They just stared at all our stuff and marveled at our big, broad grins.

     By the time I got to high school, three revelations replaced my pity. First of all, I discovered that Jewish kids got presents for Hanukkah just like the rest of us did for Christmas, only at a slightly different time, and without benefit of a jolly old elf to deliver them. Second, they not only celebrated their own holidays, but Christian ones too—which meant they had twice as much time off from school as the rest of us! Finally, and most important of all, I came to know it isn’t the glitter that matters—it’s the substance.

     Particularly where Christmas is concerned, I hear a lot of grousing about “the commercialism, the stress, and the spending” that has become such an integral part of the holiday. I’ve even read articles about people opting out of the celebration altogether. It’s sad that some confuse the tangible with the spiritual, the shopping mall with the manger, and that for them the glitz and glitter have become the traditional way to celebrate. Many view Christmas itself as a tradition rather than the historically significant occasion it represents. Christmas contains traditions the same way the Fourth of July has fireworks, but its true meaning goes far beyond mere repetition, even over a couple of hundred centuries.

     By the way, for those who advocate beginning “a new tradition,” whether to do with Christmas or something else, by definition it’s a conflict in terms. Declaring a practice to be a tradition without first having it reoccur over a reasonable period of time is like planning the wedding before you have a bride!

     Oddly enough, in their determination to avoid the potential hassle and increasing expense, people are rediscovering the magic instead of the frustrations of the season. Rather than store-bought gifts, which she can’t afford, one single mom I know has her kids write letters to each other that they’ll open on Christmas morning. She says, “We’re going to tell each other what we love about our family. And that’s it.” There is nothing wrong with giving a homemade present, a letter, a song, or some other form of personal expression. In fact, there’s everything right with it, and often, recipients prefer such gifts! Do you suppose the pioneers hitched up the ol’ Conestoga and rolled out to the mall to pick up a last-minute something for the kids—or might they have had to use a little imagination?

     Some of my most cherished memories are connected with Christmas. To me, it would be unthinkable not to drink of the joy that is to be found at this wonderful time of year, especially if you are willing to color just a little outside the lines. I can’t imagine not celebrating Christmas, any more than I can imagine a clean-shaven Santa or a child without a toy. Christmas or Hanukkah, Christian or Jew, at the end of the day it really doesn’t matter how you celebrate or what you believe—it only matters that you do!

Thanksgiving Gravy

by | Nov 23, 2023 | Holidays

     First, let me state categorically that everyone has something to be thankful for, even if it’s only still being around to air their latest gripe and have somebody handy to listen. If my buddy Bob could have seen me steering my way through one particular Thanksgiving feast, he would have said, “Look at him, sittin’ there fat and happy!” and he would have been right. If one can strut while occupying a chair, clutching an overburdened fork in one hand and a gravy-soaked dinner roll in the other, then I was strutting.

     The reason my chest was puffed up bigger than the turkey’s wasn’t so much the incredible meal, meticulously prepared by my incredible bride of some thirty-three Thanksgivings at that point, or even the fact that I was surrounded by a small gaggle of kids and grandkids, only one of whom managed to spill anything that would repattern the tablecloth. It wasn’t even having my mom, then easing her way toward ninety-four, raising a glass of wine with us and providing a toast in her parents’ native Slovak. It was something much bigger, yet so small I don’t think anyone else even noticed.

     Vigi had heaped the table with every imaginable Thanksgiving delight, to the point of overflow onto a convenient sideboard. With appropriate gratitude offered to the Lord, and before I could even warn my taste buds, I found myself the salivating recipient of the turkey platter—then the mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, stuffing, and so forth. Without so much as a word between them, my two sons (at my immediate left) collaborated to see that I was the first to receive each serving plate, before anyone else! Of course Vigi (to my immediate right) was next … then the rest. The organizational chart says that I’m head of the family, but frequently, as the years whizzed by at warp speed, I wondered whether anyone had ever read it.

     This gesture of respect was never taught to them, nor ever demanded … any more than I could have demanded the love that was so clearly behind it. At a time of life when many of my achievements seemed to feel as though they were authored by some phantom, and self-doubt often interrupted reason, these two characters elevated me to the level of King Arthur himself, presiding at the Round Table! It never happened before, and may never happen again, but the only way they can fully grasp the importance of their act is to be blessed with such a moment themselves. I wish that for them both.

     As the meal progressed, I looked and listened with growing pride to the conversational ebb and flow of four family generations—giggles, eye rolls, and all. The little girls were now young women on the verge of accomplishing great things, my boys were beginning to sport the slightest touches of gray as middle age nibbled at their hairlines, and even Vigi’s sumptuous feast paled a bit in the glow of the royalty consuming it.

     Most parents do the best they can to raise their children properly, to instill a traditional value system and an ethical sense of right and wrong. You may have noticed kids don’t come with an instruction manual and most people that have written books about them don’t seem to have any of their own. With so many potent outside forces that shape who these new adults become once they’ve graduated from home, all that remains is the hope you did something right along the way. When the table is cleared and dishes are done, the things for which to be truly thankful are the ones like this, that let you know you did.

The Touch

by | Sep 15, 2023 | Femaleness

     Along with all the other attributes that make them so desirable, persons of the feminine persuasion possess a very special touch, whether soothing the cheek of a crying infant or wiggling the stubborn lid off a jar of applesauce. It’s a genetic gift that guys just don’t get—one that’s involved with thinking and reasoning rather than with simply grunting and pulling things apart.

     This gift is most likely related to the same gene that enables a woman to find the keys, glasses, pens, and other objects a guy doesn’t see when he’s staring straight at them, because of the kill-and-fetch bone that God stuck into his head instead––back in the apple and snake days of the original garden. While the female of the species has evolved through many centuries, men have managed to maintain pretty much the same hammer-and-chisel mentality.

     Take, for example, our chronically clogged sink drain that continually threatened to swamp the bathroom and drown its inhabitants during a simple tooth brushing. I poured about every drain cleaner known to man down there, including a few not commercially available. I ran the hot water for ten minutes per the instructions––even tried cold. Nothing. Finally, I got the plunger. Muscle! That ought to do it! I took a full masculine grip on the handle, two hands, and began to plunge. I plunged and plunged until my arms ached, then plunged some more—sucked up all sorts of smelly black stuff, even some hair and fuzz balls.

     A relaxed, manly grin replaced my thinned, tightened lips as I confidently turned on the water. In the reflecting pool that was once again forming in the porcelain bowl, I could see the corners of my mouth curl slowly downward. I repeated the plunging process several times, even jiggled the stopper thingy that lives in the middle of the drain, only to watch the pooling water rise even faster than it did before I started “fixing” the sink.

     Now, I’ll play with electricity to nearly any extent necessary, no problem. The worst you might get is a tingle, but you can’t spill it and you don’t have to mop it up. I’ll pull electrical stuff apart all day, but I refuse to play with water beyond the dabbling I’d already done. So with the announcement that we’d have to call a plumber to clean out the clogged elbow, and a thirty-two ounce swallow of male pride, I put down the plunger and surrendered.

     As I was about to leave the bathroom, a small voice from the doorway (not my little voice … this was different) who had witnessed most of this, gently said, “Do you mind if I try?”

     The all-knowing manly grin returned as I said, “Go ahead. Plunge your heart out!”

     With that, I headed for the kitchen, it was Miller Time! The cap was barely off the bottle when I heard the pitter-patter of little feet behind me. It was the small voice.

     “I fixed it,” Vigi said rather matter-of-factly.

     “You fixed … you, you fixed it?”

     “It’s fine,” she smiled.

     “How, how’d you do that?” I stammered.

     “It’s all in the touch,” my womanly woman calmly replied, as she handed me the plunger and went off to dust something.

     I’ll always figure I must have loosened the clog for her. I must have!

PS: She says she’ll give me credit for that.